Heyoo.

Well, I'm doing this pretty early because I won't be around my computer while I'm at the fair - so I hope you all come out! In accordance to doing this early, I'm also posting "What Justin Thinks" about 5 hours before I'm actually going to be reading it on-air. So there's your sneak peek.


Otherwise I hope to see you all out there! Next to the Extreme Scream and the scone-place, we'll be giving away a bunch of crap on the table, and hopefully the weather is holding out.

***What Justin Thinks***

Hello Monkey Nation: I’m Justin, and this is what I think.

Hey parents – I have a few words I’d like to share with you. Now, before you get all in a hissy of telling me that I’m “too young to understand” and “I’ll change my mind when I grow up,” I have 2 words for you. SHUT. UP.

I even noticed it on my way down to the fair today and I couldn’t help the feeling I had of wanting to take a sharp left into oncoming traffic. Here’s what caused this dilemma. “MY CHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT AT OBLIGATORY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.”

SHOOT ME IN THE EFFING FACE. Are you serious? Oh my god! What a proud parent!!! I can’t believe that he or she is actually an honor student!! And in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! HOLY CHRIST! How did he or she do it??? The kid probably learned it all from this proud parent who most likely did their science projects and forces them to eat an allotted amount of green beans and broccoli on the daily. Good goin, Slugger!

I want a new sticker that says “I Don’t Praise My Child’s Minor Scholastic Achievements.” Or, “Your Honor Student will be voted Most Likely to End Up Homeless because they never learned how to fend for themselves.” Maybe you should stop living through your kids and making them fulfill YOUR dreams.

Look – all I’m saying is BE PROUD of your kids – but don’t force the rest of the world to think the same. Do me a favor and give me a call when your kid does something actually worth plastering across bumper stickers across the nation. Until then, I’ll just count how many PINS they have on their letterman’s jacket.

I’m Justin – and that’s what I think.

ALSO WE HAVE KID ROCK TICKETS TO GIVEAWAY!

YES- KID ROCK.

But you gotta be present to win... so get your asses out to the P Fair and help us kick it off in Monkey Style.

I'll say it again...

Let the gooooood times roll, Monkeys. Welcome to WEDNESDAY, September 3, 2008! Show #128 and we're half-way through the work-week already!

Wow... plus, on FRIDAY we're going to be broadcasting the show live from the Puyallup Fair so I don't really have to much "work" to do this week anyways. SCORE!

BBBBBUT - we might have some extra Kid Rock tickets to give away, so if you're looking to head to the show - COME HANG WITH US FRIDAY AFTERNOON. GOTTA BE THERE TO WIN.

***What Justin Thinks***

Hello Monkey Nation: I’m Justin, and this is what I think.

If you're driving right now: do me a favor. Do your best to pay attention to the semi-trucks, delivery vans, and taxi-cabs ahead of you. Now, look for the "How's My Driving?" stickers on the back of the vehicle.

Has anyone ever wondered what the EFF those were all about? I mean, is that a QUESTION? How's my driving? Well, I wouldn't know, would I. That is, of course, unless I call that 1-800 number you've got listed. That number that probably doesn't have anyone pick up, nor return calls. Maybe the companies should change their slogans to "call this useless number you bored, pathetic, lonely moron." Or, "hey you ultra-conservative soccer-mom: I know you saw me switch lanes without using my blinker - so please call my supervisor and keep your streets safe."

I mean seriously. What makes me more sad than the people who actually CALL these numbers, are the people who actually WORK on the other end of the phone. I mean, how sad of a job must that be? I'll bet it's worse than being a camera operator on that crappy painting show on PBS. "Let's put a happy little tree over here."

I say we all start putting "How's my Driving" stickers on the back of our cars with our cell-phone numbers on them, so when and/or IF people call it - we can tell them to drink a cup of drano or to quickly divert their car into the ditch and off themselves. Something that they're probably waiting to hear. Well, being lonely enough to call that number and all. Besides, if you're not using a hands-free, you're already breaking the law. Maybe we can start turning those people in.

I’m Justin – and that’s what I think.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH WEBCAM!


Let the good times roll Monkey nation and welcome to Tuesday, September 02, 2008 – show# 127 and let the 4-day week ROLL ONWARDS. Tuesday, by nature, typically SUCKS asses, but today is different. Oh yes, today we can hit the ground running and keep our collective heads above water as we tread towards an eventual death of yellow and orange leaves into FALL.

HOWEVER – we do have 3 things working in our favor.

1.)    The Mariners 4-game winning streak (about to come to a crashing halt when the Yanks get here; listen to What Justin Thinks for some more Mariners goodness).

2.)    NEW MUSIC COMING OUT OF OUR EARS. Slipknot, Metallica, AC/DC, HEAD! It’s madness and I couldn’t love it any more.

3.)    The Puyallup Fair. Now, love it or hate it – it’s big this year. Kid Rock, the Tuetuls, etc etc – the list goes on.

Now, before I start getting too far into this story: I must have a short preface. I currently am, continue to be, and will always be a Mariner fan. From the days of Buhner, Edgar, Cora, and Griffey - I will never fold in the face of defeat.

But I do, however, have a problem with the Mariners catering. Now, the Mariners are a business and I understand they need to make money to pay salaries, the city, and just to keep the lights on - I get it. But where is the $8.50 PER BEER going to?? Is it truly necessary?

Now, before you call and say the REAL reasons: I already know. If beers were the same price in the stadium as they were at the bars - we would have 5 times the drunk-idiots that we already have at a Mariners game. The amount of money it costs to get drunk at one of those games equals a months rent to most people. I don't want to sound negative, but getting THAT drunk at a Mariners game is about as fun as watching middle-school girls basketball games. Or watching old drunk men cross an icy streets. But at least you're not paying for seats at those debacles.

Look - the Mariners suck. That doesn't mean I like them any less, but it does have an effect on how much doe I'm willing to shell out PER game. Jesus hell, I can't think of anything I'd RATHER be doing at a game than drinking. Give us a REASON to show up! With that said, I have a question for the Mariners that I would love to share with the human resources department. Wanna triple your attendance?

Enlist DRINKING GAMES and STRIPPERS to play DURING the games. Because the next time I watch Putz blow a save I want to have an alternative to look at - such as a rousing round of Flip Cup, or to my left: Roxy and Paradise. Let's keep spirits high, and out BAC higher - we've got enough to depress us with the Sonics and suicide rates.

I'm Justin - and that's what I think.

BUT FIRST: for your topic of the day.

Yesterday Adrian Beltre became only the 4^th Mariner in history to hit for the cycle. I hope you all know what this is, but just in case you don’t – it’s a single, a double, a triple, and homerun ALL by the same player in the same game. A pretty honorable feat, and truly great, but remember when Buhner did the same: except with a grandslam for his homerum. Pretty awesome, sure. But within the HISTORY of sports – we’ve witnessed some great feats, some amazing comebacks, some epic wins, losses, failures, and disappointments alike: but I want to know

In your mind, what is the GREATEST SPORTS FEAT of all time?

--The 1980’s Olympic Men’s Hockey Team. “Miracle” should come to mind.

--Kurt Gibson’s homer against Dennis Eckersley.

--Edgar’s “double” in the 95 playoffs.

--Carlton Fisk’s “waving fair” homer in Boston.

--Randy Johnson’s hitting-the-pigeon incident.

--Luis Sojo’s inside the park homerun.

--David Wells pitching a hungover perfect game in Babe Ruth’s hat (meanwhile being probably high on coke).

--Mike Cameron’s 4-homer-game.

--The Hail Mary from Doug Flutie accompanied by the immaculate reception.

--Brett Favre never leaving football. Christ.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND more that I can’t remember/care about.

Rock onwards,

Justin

Let the good times ROLL monkey nation it’s Wednesday, August 28, 2008 – show # 126. But we can say “tomorrow is Friday so I’m alright.”

Also positive news on the Horizon is the fact that we have Bumbershoot to look forward to over the long Labor Day weekend! Big artists, great food, good times, and drunken evenings are ahead of us. Full lineup can be found at themonkey1049.com


Hello Monkey Nation: I’m Justin, and this is what I think.

You’ve probably heard by now about the Bellevue Teacher’s strike. And when I say strike, I don’t mean striking – as in hitting – however much I wish that were true. Having a strike is about as effective as John McCain trying to lift his arms above his head: it just probably isn’t going to work now, isn’t it?

The teacher strike is mostly based around a web-based curriculum that forces the teachers to teach the kids exactly the same thing and leaves no room for diversity. Yeah… you’re probably right. I mean, how diverse can you get from kid to kid when for their 16th birthday they’re all getting their own gold AND/OR silver BMW’s and Mercedes? Talk about unfair and a lack of diversity.

Maybe that’s what this strike is all about… they want more time to count their money and drive their cars around. But hey, who I am to judge. I don’t shop at Nordstrom nor do I drink the water on that side of the lake, so maybe I’m the one being unfair. I clearly don’t understand the lifestyle. Maybe these kids would be better off beating a couple sticks together in the woods for a few months.

But the teachers are saying the curriculum is putting the kids all one ‘one level’ and putting them into ‘one mold.’ Who said that’s a bad thing?? Maybe it would do these kids some GOOD to bring them back down to earth before the frats and sorority’s of ivy league schools get them all drunk and pregnant. Maybe Bill and Melinda’s $2 million grant wasn’t enough for these spoiled little brats. This whole deal sounds like an episode of that equally crappy MTV show called “My Super Sweet 16.”

“The honor kids are bored. And the struggling kids are having to take a support class because they insist on only one math class per grade level.” So much for the best education money can buy. I’ll guess you’ll have to settle with your waterfront homes on Lake Washington and sip your extra-dry Martini’s on your deck overlooking your infinity pool. But maybe I’m just bitter.

I’m Justin, and that’s what I think.

BUT FIRST: for your topic of the day...

All of us have one or another. Some started when we were young, some started later, some start daily and seem to never end. For those of you who are able to get over them – I commend you. For those of you who just can’t seem to kick them… I empathize with you. Sometimes they just end naturally… sometimes chemically… and sometimes – it’s a matter of life for death. So start thinking now… and ask yourself.

WHAT BAD HABIT DO YOU NEED TO STOP?

--lots a smokers

--lots a sexers

--lots a masturbationers

--lots a druggers

--lots a video gamers

--lots a strip-clubbers

--lots a haters

etc etc etc...

I'M OUT FOR TOMORROW -- but ... as always...

ROCK ONWARDS, and continuously.

Justin